NTS10

Flowers will wilt then die and jewelry tarnish with time. The things you care about require time and effort, to keep love alive.

NTS13

When you no longer miss them when they are away, its time.

Wounds

Remain they do, even as time goes by. Branded into flesh from innumerable heartaches, broken dreams and unintentional lies. Evidenced with lines on the face and dulled, sullen eyes. Wont be hidden by the most artfully applied guise. Each night a familiar torment, mind and spirit brutalized. Demons of the past haunting, plotting an ultimate demise. Stripped of hope, in sheer terror paralyzed. Ready to sleep forever and with the devils angels fly.

FITN84

Haunted by the shadows in your head. 

Another sleepless night, shackled to your bed. 

Fighting to be able to take a breath. 

Hemorrhaging all that is left. 

Darkened beyond redemption, by the world. 

Close your eyes forevermore.

Shattered

You held their heart in your hands for a little while. Given freely and completely, with love and trust. Torn to sunder with a smile. Left alone, abandoned to decay and rust. Though you hate yourself for what you have done. Wish you could have again all that you lost. Understanding you gave up your love, your one. Your heart is now what will pay the cost.

FITN85

Trying to be what you deserve, what is it you see. Not sure if I will ever become what you need me to be. I can try until the stars fall and the sun doesn’t shine. Will you stay, will you want to still be mine. You deserve the moon in the sky. Could I give it to you, would you never say goodbye. Never been good enough for anyone. Maybe its best to just be alone.

Prisoner

In a prison of your own design. Have the key but choose to hide. Safer there, though beaten down. Lost in sorrow, about to drown. What awaits behind the locked cell door.  Hope and love or pain as before. The uncertainty is what you truly fear. Could be let down again, or it could be real. Chances they come few and far between. Stay and rot, or take the chance and happiness feel.

Forever

Just a word, means nothing leaving the lips. Uttered by poets and lovers since time immemorial. Without actions to match, sting of deception sets in.  With one who is sincere, like loves first kiss. Heavens abound transcending the shackles of the corporeal. Souls united eternally together, a new life will begin.

Beacon

Smallest ray, for the first time, breaks through the pitch black night. Illuminating the path to safe shores. Sharing, with you, some of their light. Giving you something you have never had before. Unconditional love, for once you see. Totality of acceptance warms your bones. Confused as you are, not knowing what this means. Long travels complete, you are at last home.

Another Day

Another day in this waking nightmare. Giving into the madness to loose myself. Numbed from a heart no longer there. Pack away all that I was and shove it to the back of hells highest shelf. Throw hope into the abyss of never again. Sever any part that might have cared. Drown in the ocean of my sin. Stripped of everything, laid completely bare.

Mix

Blurring the lines of pleasure and pain. Nails deep  into flesh as you arrive again. Essences flowing and together mix. Taste yourself upon their lips. Souls entwined in universal ecstasy. Becoming one, eclipsing individuality. Free from inhibitions, filled with ultimate trust. Complete, unconditionally given to love and lust.

One Step

One step is all it will take....Let go of the past and a better life you can make....One step is all it will take....Might be scary but it is never too late....One step is all it will take.

Make me Feel

The one who can make a broken soul want to feel again is rare, if you find that hold onto it.

FITN80

The fire is crackling and warm tonight. 

My aching bones soaking up the tranquil embrace.

I am much older now than when you saw me last.

Torn to shreds by memories, and too tired to fight.

Want to rest my eyes and dream of another time and place.

Like everything I am just a ghost of the past.

Distant

Distant dreams of forgotten days. Shoved from your mind without care or grace. Indiscriminate in the callousness shown to the ones who care. Treat them as if they are not even there. Push them away, giving nothing upon which to satiate. Their weakness and trust, you abominate. Should have never loved one such as you.  Why wont they walk away, must simply be a fool. Could it be they see more than you do? Could this be the feeling of unconditional, of true?

Shadow

I am the shadow of all that you thought you wanted.     I am rusted, weathered and fade a little more every day. I was within your grasp more than once and even now your mind I haunt. Your stone exterior hides the scars and fear that confine you to a cage. You can unlock the door anytime, you know where and what you want. You are so close to all you have ever dreamed and prayed.

Divide

Across the vastness of space and time.

Hindered not by any perceived, great divide.

Giving no thought to what the masses say.

True love will always find its way.

FITN81

A home is not stone and wood, it is the soul that makes you feel loved as you are and understood. Once you find them your life will never be the same and you will spend each day blessed they finally came.

FITN81

Now the time has come to say farewell once again.

Different this time as I am acutely aware that there will  not be a next.

Spent as much time with you as I could, not wanting the moments to end.

The thought of a world without you makes my bruised heart break.

Time here may be done but your next adventure is about to begin.

FITN79

Is it the beginning or is it the end? Lost everything in an instant and drowned in my sin. No tears shed when I am gone. Never found a place where I belonged. Blame my Gypsy soul or intense passion. Kept anyone from ever, in my life, lasting. Loved with everything that I had. Broken, bleeding, manically sad. No one in the dead of night to soothe my heart or hear the cries. Light the match to myself and from the ash will again rise.

FITN79

Is it the beginning or is it the end? Lost everything in an instant and drowned in my sin. No tears shed when I am gone. Never found a place where I belonged. Blame my Gypsy soul or intense passion. Kept anyone from ever, in my life, lasting. Loved with everything that I had. Broken, bleeding, manically sad. No one in the dead of night to soothe my heart or hear the cries. Light the match to myself and from the ash will again rise.

Tunnel

No matter how long the road, dark the sky or tough the struggle. 

You are the light at the end of my tunnel.

Tracks

Wouldn’t it be nice if life never went off the tracks? 

One day everything is light, laughter and love.

The next the clouds roll in and the torrents pour from above.

Holding on tight to each other  we will alway find our way back.

Walk

Would you take my hand and walk with me?

We don’t have to say a word, together simply be.

Could walk through the fields, up the mountains or by the sea.

Long as we are together  our souls are free.

Fade Away

Maybe I will just fade away. Become a gentle specter on the periphery of your sight. Slowly evaporate like yesterdays rain on a new bright sunny day. Like the birds in winter disappear with soundless flight.

Maybe my memory will petulantly stay. Burrowing deeper, complicating your existing plight. Taking you back time after time, forced reliving dreams of each day. Leaving you regretting, wishing, broken, in tears each night.

FITN75

Waiting on the edge of a breakdown with bated breath. Could this be like the past or is it something else.  The unanswered anticipation fraying the worn bindings holding everything together.  Be betrayed by unrealistic expectations or will it be so much better. Only one way to know for sure. Take a chance and open the door.

DT

I saw you come back once more to the old dreaming tree. Wonder why you are here again, could you be searching for me. Your eyes have lost much of there glow. Lines on your face show the pain of regret, head hanging low. My heart constricts and shatters, at the same time. Present colliding with memories of days gone by. What happened in this life you chose for yourself?  Wasn’t the heaven you envisioned, appears it was closer to hell. What is it you want, I ponder, coming to the place of beginnings end. Time to take the next step, or just stopping to pay respects to an old friend?

JILU

Just because of a moment in time. Even though right now you cannot spread your wings and fly. Nowhere there is a mountain you cannot climb. I believe in you as the days go by. Lost and wandering in a limbo of self doubt. Once you can free your mind the seeds of passion will sprout. Vines of trepidation will try to hinder your path. Excommunicate forever with the choices you can make. You have the power to release the pain, sadness and wrath. Opportunities renewed that soon you will take. Undo the shackles of a life unfulfilled, let your spirit soar and your happiness begin to rebuild.

Easy

Not surprised to be that easy to walk away from. Never was more than the moon, hopelessly chasing the sun. The pain will subside with the passage of time. Leaving behind scars on my heart and in my mind. The good memories, they will linger on. Even though you will still be gone. I hope you find the things that you so longed for. Finally at the end to have all the happiness you deserve.

King

I have walked so long through the wastelands of hell. Devilishly accustomed to woeful sounds, demented sites and putrid smells. No longer phased by the torment that surrounds me, day after day. The monster within whispers, coaxes,  beckons  me to stay. Untethered from the burden of wistful hopes and unrealized dreams. Relinquish frivolous thoughts and in myself begin to believe. Feel the acrid, sulfury air  suffocating what is left of the old me. Resurrected by pain to take my place on the throne, the king of misery.

FITN74

I would rather have late night cuddling, laughing for no reason, passionate touching, a partner to believe in, a person who both the good and bad times together we go through. 

Than money, fame, big house with indifference and blame, no connection or longing, not being missed when gone, it is what it is, settle, this is good enough and will just do.

Howl

The howling November wind echos the tempest in my heart. Longing for a time unknown, where we are not forced to be apart. Craving that which I have never known. Hope, eclipsed by the truth I am not yet where I belong.    The travesty in lessons life tries to teach. Surrender myself to faith in order to have the ending I want to reach. 

FIRN42

Sometimes there is no making up for mistakes made. You can own them, apologize, learn from them but that shit, you will take to your grave.

FITN71

Dancing with the devil that I was, fighting for what will be. Riddled with guilt for all of my shortcomings in life. Try as I may, unable to give enough to invoke a change. Just isn’t enough to simply be me. 

The indifference each day cuts me, right to the bone. Undoing the strands of my heartstrings with the precision of a knife. Then pluck out the shards of a broken soul, emotions estranged. Begging for parley but compassion unknown.

Remnants

Moments spun in the universe with untold rhyme or reason. Journeys did meet at the crossroads of  heartbreak and indecision. All the intricate dreams built  carefully upon the sand. Decayed over time by fates calloused, cruel hand. Surrounded by fear, racked with soul crushing pain. Back to the winds, the remnants scattered again. Into the void, absent the warmth of the sun. Once in a lifetime, just not in this one.

Didn’t Know

I had no idea that would be my last sunset. I would never again hold her hand or feel her touch. I hope she knows my life really started the day we met. She was worth fighting for and I loved her so much.

FITN72

When your world is dark and you have no where to go.  

You simply work on getting through another day without breaking down. 

The tides keep rising and you want to stop, let go and drown.

Take strength from my and let me love light your way back home.

FITN73

I wont be able to  give you a fancy house or  car,

Float you on a sea od diamonds and pearls.

I’ll show that you’re the most important thing in my world,

And will each day know how really loved you are.

Stepping Back

I am stepping back, but not leaving.
Faith in you and we both know it’s what you need.
Giving you the moment to just start breathing.
Let  all the tears dry, once again start to clearly see.

Be free. fight those demons in your mind.
Go now, have faith in what you will find.
Beleive, you’ll find the answers you seek this time.
Burn it down, from the ashes you will rise.

I’ll still be here, in your heart I’ll stay.
When this chapters done, and the next you want to write.
Etch it in your soul , with ink from my veins.
Take all I am, standing always by your side.

Be free. fight those demons in your mind.
Go now, have faith in what you will find.
Beleive, you’ll find the answers you seek this time.
Burn it down, from the ashes you will rise.

I’m stepping back, but I’m not leaving.

You will find the reason you need to fight.

Through the pitch black, grasp something to beleive in.

Wrap your heart around me and hold on tight.

FITN70

How many chapters in life will be inked in blood before you realize you have always been the author and can change the prose at any point to be able to let go and have every page be what you want it to be.

T1

Where does one begin, since it has always just been this way. Told you can’t do this and shouldn’t  do that from a very early age. Through the random spikes that have you heaving on the cold tile floor, to the shaking, delirium raking your mind as you wait for the sugar to find  its way into your blood to make the numbers rise a little more. Nights spent alone wondering if you shut your eyes this time, will they open again, or will you not feel the numbness slithering upon you until it’s too late. You didn’t cause this, didn’t ask for it but maybe it was just some twisted kind of fate. Try to experience what you can with the time you have because unlike others you haven’t the luxury to just wait. While in the end it will be what kills you, this fucking disease will never cause you to break.

Fade

Cant fade to black.

Penance unfulfilled, cannot find my way.

Steadfast, though eyes have dimmed with pain.

Drowning in the grey.

Fought with all I had.

Thought in the end it would be ok.

Agony overtakes, my tears falling on the floor.

Drowning in the grey.

Loose myself to the aether.

Shattered dreams, forgotten hope of yesterday.

Carcass of eternal aspersions remains.

Drowning in the grey.

FITN67

Life is funny isn’t it? Can beat you down over the years until you have no hope for anything and don’t believe in happiness anymore...

...then just like that someone comes into your life and turns everything upside down and downside up...

...you’re shocked because for the first time in your memory you feel there could be something more, something real and you want to take the chance.

FITN68

You have always been alone, even in a crowd. Locked inside the hurricane of thoughts always clouding your mind. Silent screams echo through your soul, so horrid and so loud. Feeling your heart petrifying, just praying for a sign. Once upon a time you believed there was somewhere you belong. A partner to share your everything with. Potential paradise after all you’ve been through, but that notion is long gone.  Waiting patiently now instead, for deaths putrid final kiss.

Hope

Where did the hope come from? 

I was not looking for it, nor expect anything more that a doldrum existence where I don’t belong.

 There, a beacon, cutting through the fog of war in my mind.

 How did you get in and ignite that which was dead for so long? 

Tired

My mind is racing, yet no answers or way out.

My heart is heavy, burning with an icy fire.

My spirit can no longer fight my own self-doubt.

My tattered soul has been spent, and left completely tired.

Can You

Can you still feel me?

Feel me holding you tight.

Feel me pushing you on a swing for no reason.

Feel me when I break down and cry.

Feel me when the leaves fall, changes in season.

Feel me swaying dancing to our song.

Feel me as the part you don’t want to loose.

Feel me kissing you softly but still strong.

Feel when I say its you that I choose.

Feel me even after you’ve gone.

Can you, even if right now is not how it’s supposed to be?

Closer Still

You are not where you want to be and it seems so far away. You have to finish up a few things still and you wish it could just be today. You keep taking steps to get you closer, some big and some small. You know you will get there in the end and be able to give your all.

Drink

I don’t drink to erase the pain, but to tear the walls down inside my brain. Feel everything I have been through and done, because nothing is worse than being completely numb.

Hold On

Remember when you held her hand on the car ride, or danced in the rain that time? Remember when you laughed till you felt it in your bones or when you held her as she slept and knew without a doubt you were home? 

Hold onto that, because it is what’s real. The time will come, don’t loose hope, even if for right now everything is not ideal.

Give Up

If all that she says after I am gone is “He never gave up on me”, then I will rest easy.

Heaven

I have walked through the valley of my own hell.

Yet somehow I found you, not searching same as I.

Mesmerized by the wonder you are, caught in your decedent spell.

Never felt a connection like this, one of body, spirit and mind.

Deeper than I thought love could be, all consuming hope, feeling alive.

Though trials are more than either thought, we face them together.

Holding onto each other through infinite time.

Looking at you, with clear eyes, I see the true meaning of forever.

Everyday

You fight your own mind everyday.

Might be easier if they would just run away.

Right by your side they continue to stay.

Walking with you through the hell that was made.

Showing you they love you, come what may.

Until you choose to spend life, with them, everyday.

Reassembled

There she was, no idea how she got this  deep inside a heart you thought was closed long ago.

Somehow there she was, calling to your soul in a whisper so loud it made you tremble.

How is she there, showing you the wonder that is her, you may never know.

All of the walls you toiled and built, in her presence begin to crumble.

Never wanted to appear weak but you know that without her, you would be completely hollow.

Broken before but with her love, the pieces reassembled.

FITN48

Us,We,Ours..

I want to  be  part of that,

with you.

FITN64

 How is it that no matter how rough the seas get, you’re always right there.

Constant as the coastal breeze, my refreshing breath of air.

Giving me a life, I never could have dreamed.

With the grace of your love and a gentle touch, my soul has been redeemed.

Best friend and soul mate, but this is so much more.

You are the best part of every day, and the one I live my life for.

FITN61

 How many times will it take to see. Those tears shed at the right time, changes that don’t last, words that cut your heart are only make-believe You are not stronger for staying in that situation, putting up with what you have known. One day soon you will break the chains for yourself and your real power be shown.

Stepping back

I am stepping back, but not leaving.

Breaks me down but we both know its what you need.

Giving you the moment to just start breathing.

Let the tears dry, once again clearly see.

Be free,

 Fight those demons in your mind

Go now,

Have faith in what you will find.

Beleive,

You’ll find the answers you seek this time.

Burn it down,

From your ashes you will rise.

I’ll still be here, in your heart I’ll stay.

When this chapters done, and the next you want to write.

Etch it in your soul , with ink from my veins.

Take all I am, standing always by your side.

Be free,

 Fight those demons in your mind

Go now,

Have faith in what you will find.

Beleive,

You’ll find the answers you seek this time.

Burn it down,

From your ashes you will rise.
I’m stepping back, but I’m not leaving.You will find your reason to fight.Through the pitch black grasp something to beleive in.Wrap your heart around and hold on tight.

FITN65

 Light breaks through the darkened room in slivers of golden promise. Feeling her breathing delicately on your chest, lost in dreams. The subtle burn tracing the marks on your back creep into your conscious mind., bringing thoughts of the night before. The first time either of you have abandoned all fear, all reservation and gave into the dark bliss that blurs the lines between pleasure and pain. Tasting her on your lips still, remembering the sounds, the want, the need. Listening to how her body spoke, letting you know where to go, no pretense just us. Tongues entwined, moving purposely, stifling the screams. Never before going this far, losing count, building again in our core. Sweat dripping, not stopping, destroying thoughts of the sane. Nails going deeper, hair tightly gripped, pulling each other closer together, neither willing to concede.

Softly ripped from the memory by the sweetest kiss. Eyes locking in a knowing stare, not the abandon of the night before. Slowly the world melts away and all that is left is this moment in time, being where you are both supposed to be. Gentle welcoming embrace, as two become one, for an instant no breath to take. Lost on a sea of desire, waves coming with each move of her hips. Entanglement of souls, craving, aching, wanting more. Soft sounds escape, delicate, powerful as any living dream. Perfection, in unison, basking in eternities shade.

FITN63

 Another night alone crying in a ball on the floor. Screaming into the dead of night hoping you can hear me in your heart. I don’t know what I did so wrong to deserve this. Darkness claws at my brain, tempting me to not open my eyes, no one cares anyway. No one to turn to as my world burns, all lies in the end. I am alone, and in the emptiness that once was my soul, I feel the last remnants of me. 

Another day spent with a fake smile carved on my face, just what they need. Show up, toe the line, get it all done. Small banter with the specters while fighting back the demon inside. Choking on every word, gnashing blood stained teeth trying to catch a single breath. No one knows whats in the decayed mind of the forgotten ones. Serve your purpose and clock out, there is nothing left to see.

Never good enough, never bad enough. Caught in this limbo of oblivion, drowning in the abyss. Somehow always trying to be what would have been needed, wanting to be chosen but falling short each time. Hoping not for love any longer but to become invisible, to simply be unmade.Unsure what to do, so swallow the last ruminants of self worth and cease to feel. Worthless pile of flesh and bone, a pack mule forever to be.

 

Distraction

When all the memories blur and you can no longer see the light that once was.

Rainbows of yesterday, lost in the tempest of unintentional deceit.

I tried calling out your name, needing you, but was left to fend for myself just because.

Hard to admit I was so weak, because in loving you I felt so complete.

Thank you for showing me that I can only depend on myself.

That words are just empty and in the end mean nothing when there is no action.

I no longer care about the poisoned prose laid out, least I end up back on aothers shelf.

Now you will get the fake smile and be nothing more than a convenient distraction.

FITN59

 Lock it all away and pretend to be someone you’re not. You don’t do this out of desire, but to not have to deal with the fallout. Lay awake at night, dreams bleeding into nightmares. Questions swimming within the depths of your soul. Why, why, why the tormented sounds of the child you were echo in your mind, but no answers are heard. How many days, the marks now faded on the walls in your minds cell. Life is a blur of one afternoon to the next, never wavering in their delightful torment. You have the key, always in your grasp. Terror grips each time you think of what could be next. Sobbing on the floor once again, looking to the heavens to show you the way. Without a step forward, in your own hell you will stay.

FITN43

When all you have left are the memories of what might have been.

You turned your back, walked away, carved into your soul,  another sin.

The ache burns hotter than the fires of hell.

To the Devil, your soul you can’t sell.

Live with the mark, branded by yourself.

No happiness or peace, that which is truly wealth.

FITN62

I want our demons to dance throughout the night.

Engulfed in primal passion born long ago.

Bodies writhing together, blending into one.

So intense the heat, sweat blurring our sight.

Moving in rhythm, faster we go.

Exploding with a brilliance brighter than the sun.

NTS

 Who do you fall asleep thinking about for nights on end? That is where you should be.

FITN60

 Child, The small comforts of a familiar hell are not worth giving up yourself. Take the step and see what magic awaits.Will be hard at times, and scary but this cage was never meant to be your fate.

FITN54

The sun sets slowly on his soul.

Now laid to rest the man you know.

He was not good enough for your time.

The funeral pyre his remains now lie.

Dont mourn him now, in this hour.

He didnt matter enough when you had the power.

What he will be, when arisen from the ash.

Will be for someone who appreciates him, and you’ll just be the past.

FITN51

When you choose to dance within the flame.

You will either have your soul ignite in wonderous passion, or be burned to ash again.