That Weekend Continued...

Been a little while.. what can I say life happens......

So where was I...oh yes...Saturday morning will be one of those moments in time that always sticks with a person. 

I will never forget waking up and her next to me...she rolls over with just the biggest smile says "good morning", gives me a kiss then flips back over and snuggles back into me.... just that moment, could not have been but 20-30 second for all of that but will always bring just a smile to my face.

Recuperating from Friday night (drinking and ummmm activities *Cough, Cough* ) was literally an all day affair. I don't think I have spent a day where there were so many naps with momentary conversations and laughing....complete relaxation. She was feeling pretty rough most of that day so it was very much needed. Mid Afternoon she says "You don't have to stay in the room, if you wanted to get out or something".... I believe I chuckled out loud a bit, because to me it was funny...why in the world would I want to be anywhere other than where she is.... now yes I know she was saying that coming from the best possible intentions but nope laid down next to her...put my hand on her leg and back to a nap we went.

After this nap she got up and said I am going to take a shower... of course I had to make the comment "Hey you want company"?....to my (and in retrospect her) surprise she said "Sure"........ She will tell you now as soon as she said that she was like "shit".... light in the bathroom out...... She will also tell you, as would I that it was a great shower.......

So dinner plans took us more than a little time to figure out. Do we want to get all dressed and go out, order in, what to do..... we ended up just ordering to the room (great choice on our part by the way).... some more chatting then back in the bed. We turned on the TV and ended up watching Diners, Drive-In's and Dives. Like we are, there was lots of little snarky comments to the show and all the while I had a hand or even just a finger on her leg, or around her (over time we both have learned that we just like some type of connection with the other....Hand on a leg, holding hands...heck our feet touching while we are sitting on the couch with them on the coffee table)...... That night ended with the polar opposite of Friday..... the intensity and sensuality were.....well there are not really words.... but falling asleep holding her I began to really  start understanding just how lucky I was......

That Weekend...

So if a Tonado, and Dancing in the rain were not enough for one week...well

So we had the weekend together and decided to have a staycation...Hotel, Dinner, Drinks just being together.. (and yes folks we were both pretty terrified about what that ment as we had never..well...)

That Friday we left work and headed to the hotel....when we got there they told us the road was flooded so we needed to go to a sister property across the road and they would take care of us.

We went and stood in line...a few other couples were there and just pretty whiney amd rude to the folks trying to help us all. When it was our turn we went up smiled and just were us. These ladies did not cause the flooding so no need to be short....turns out they comped the entire weekend!.... Guess that whole being noce pays off (take note all you habitual asshats...)

We got checked in, dropped our things and headed out to grab dinner and some drinks...what you all though something else??!!??!!...

So we found a brew house type place and sat at the bar... and one drink led to two led to..well yeah. We ended up chattingwith another couple and it started off fine but the more we all drank the guy became more and more of a..well not someone I did not want to really be around... so lets fast forward through this..his wife apparently couldnt stand him either, talked to her in the restroom and yeah sprt of hit home a bit

We got out of there...picked up some beer for the room and headed back....

Here is all the details you get....we went to sleep very very late........

Wicked Wednesday continued

So how does one top having a tornadic cell right above your head.... well here is how..and again the timing of things is just a bit too coincidental for all of this to be random happenings....

So after the storm passed and she said goodbye to her son we went in for another couple of drinks and talking about what the heck happened.

Time once again was being pushed by us and I had to get her to the train station as she took that down from the town she lives in so she did not have to drive 40 minutes in the dark after having a few drinks.... well a little oblong pedal to the floor and we made it with a few minutes to spare. We were standing there, and yes holding each other and some kisses and talking about how we hated this part (we really just like being near and around each other as much as possible)...

We saw the train coming in the distance and got that last goodnight kiss in...... then as it approached her face goes a little blank and she just said...we are on the wrong side of the tracks.... yup sure enough we were and at this point there was no running in front of a moving train....so she missed it.

I saw a little glimmer of panic in her face (only a little)...and simply said well come on my love I will drive you back (she had shot this down earlier in the night cause that would make for about a hour and 45 minute(ish) drive for me where I was staying at the time).... she protested...but thankfully only slightly...of course I was already walking toward the car with my hand on the small of her back and just saying its a no brainer...and it gives me more time to be with you and hold your hand.....

So off we went...and it was not long at all before the sky opened up and it was raining like no tomorrow... she was directing me where to go and pointing out the places along the way that had standing water so I could get over or slow way down..... now we had music playing, I had gotten her into Stone Sour a bit (Corey Taylor is amazing lyrically) so just had them on....when a live cover of "Wicked Game" from them came on....it took a second as we were talking then she said hang on can we start that over....so of course we did...and turned it up....

She made a comment about dancing to this as it is an amazing song (she has killer taste in music).... and as we were making a left hand turn I swung the car right into the parking lot of a BP and I remember her saying are we doing this..... oh yes we are!

I got out and headed one way and her another..pouring rain after laughing about our wrong turns we met on her side of the car and...time...stood...still

I am being very literal here for me. I remember the water droplets hanging in mid air...her hair drenched, the look in her eyes, and the heat...the overwhelming heat between us......I know we kissed then things began moving again...and it was COLD folks...

I have never experienced anything like that and while I have no doubt we will dance in the rain again...I really think that was a once in a lifetime type moment... and one that profoundly changed both of our outlooks....really opened things to just how deep and complete all of this is for each of us individually and together....

That drive back after dropping her off was the coldest longest drive I have ever taken..... and was in absolute awe the entire time...thankfully I was able to talk to her almost the whole way and it was very evident that she felt the same as I about that dance......

Seems timing, just the timing of things is right...when it is right....

Wicked Wednesday

So there came a week where we had the opportunity to spend Wednesday evening together (drinks, some food and fun) and boy...what an evening that turned into.. (get your minds out of the gutters folks....that is another story, from another day, and  for another time)

So we ended up at a beer place a little ways from work. Had some drinks, some "ok" Tatter Tots (yes the drinks made it tolerable lol) and just cutting up and chatting.

We both new there was pretty nasty weather expected and the TV was showing some really ugly colors moving closer...so of course, step outside for a smoke before it all hits lol.

So we are outside and chatting about a very close friend of mine that had past away at a pretty young age (early 20's) and how he had a ummm unique sense of humor to him and all. She made some comment...and honestly I don't remember the exact comment but was a little slice of snarky wit....and immediately (like blink of an eye fast).....the loudest clap of thunder you could imagine came out of the blue...we both froze and just looked at each other. The air was electrified to the point the hair on my arms was standing up.

We went back in and had another drink and the topic of her son in college came up (don't ask me to follow the lines of our thinking or conversations it just works for us ok...) and she made the comment she would not mind us meeting and she thought her kids would like me... I had to open my mouth...(side note while I continually state I will learn one day to keep it shut....I know I wont)... and just blurted out well prove it....... so she did lol...Face time it was right there.

Now in a bar(ish) or restaurant atmosphere, well it is not the best for anything like that so we stepped outside again. I got the intro and well kinda they were chatting and we all were chatting...and I noticed the black mass coming from the west and turned to look and it was... well ominous is way too light of a word to describe it. She then took notice... and showed her son over the phone...by now the tornado sirens are going off in the distance...and soon right by us...

Now folks I know what "should" be done, and would not tell you to follow what we did (but I would strongly urge you to consider it)....... We stayed right out there...this huge black things right overhead, then it started glowing this very odd blue-green throughout it and you could see the funnel reaching down like some ancient demonic finger charred by the fires of hell..... it was literally directly over us and at this point the wind was completely still.....

I know it had to only last for minutes, and it never did touch down but it felt like we were there for an hour watching this thing...then it simply moved on, the wind picked back up.....

Maybe the lesson should be is don't taunt the other side...lol....or that amazing things happen when you take some changes and risk in life. That my friends is something I will never forget as long as I live (and hey one hell of a first meeting with someones kid lol)........


and if you think that's why the title of this posting is what it is...you'd be wrong....but that reason will be in the next post that I write up because this night went from something amazing to literally life changing.....

Monarchs, Monarchs everywhere...

So while it should be obvious....for those of you reading still a little slow on the uptake (I warned you earlier...there will be snark).... we began hanging out literally every chance we got (and yes there were some lunches that went very long....and yes folks we are working on that :) )

One place we go is a nearby Nature preserve, it is very nice and well we can chat...and yes kiss and just hang out. I believe it was the first (though it might have been the second)...we started seeing a Monarch...first it was on a flower over here this day..then another over there the next... then literally anywhere we were together we would spot one, somewhere in our vicinity.

Sure, sure...time of year, yadda yadda, blah blah.... and your right if this was the only thing then sure I could by it......IF, in the last couple of week as the weather is turning much colder we are seeing less....but when we have well they literally almost land on her hand, seriously that close.

I know that the Monarch symbolizes many things across a vast span of cultures and religions but almost all of them have to do with transformation, the need for change. They also commonly symbolize the spirit world...either a guardian angel or a spiritual being making contact or just watching over.

So yes I will give you the logical argument you are working up in your mind right now... but, and here is the things for me. I used to believe in something more than all of us...or somethings (yes I am very odd and think things really are connected, and us humans just cant quite put our fingers on its exact nature...and maybe we are not supposed to). I believed in the innate power in a human soul to do things, call it Magick, or Miracles or whatever...and over the years as I shoved myself into a neat little suburbanite that all got tucked away...its very nice to actually see, feel and believe again...and yes it is part of what she brings out in me, is the ability to just be me......

So take all of the butterflies as you will...just nature and the right time, or something much more...that is all up to you, but I guarantee if you are reading this the next time you see one, you will pause even for a moment.....

Hunters Moon

So to take a quick break from the past and delve directly into the here and now. ....

The Hunters Moon is here and bringing with it all of the elements of change, decay, and rebirth that it is known for.

I am sitting here pondering all the the change..and yet the lack thereof that has happened in the last couple of months.

On one hand we have found something that I am not sure many can honestly claim they have..a completeness, wholeness and new life like nothing I can accurately articulate..but at the same time we are much the same as we have been for over three years...not sure how that can be but it is for certain.

On the other hand while we have this, and we know it will continue to grow, as we will together..and yes there will be the day in the near future where we can live together and just be us each day..that time is not yet here..

She said the other night that “you know we are not patent”...lol and yeah she is right..course a literal half a life time wanting to find her I am thinking “geez haven't we waited long enough”...but I know that in the grand scheme of things weeks or a few months is nothing compared to how long we have waited so far...or how long we have in the future.

For now we have every second together we can find and each appreciates every moment. When we are not physically together we talk..anyway we can and we are with each other always in ways ha you may not believe (trust me I am living it and its hard to believe sometimes)

This time of year brings much change and I am thankful that I have really begun to find myself again..she has given me life, and the strength to be me...I love is, and her and living each day with and for her...

Time flys..

I can unequivocally say that evening was so hard for me as I was so in my own head trying to figure out WTH was going on and just wanting to be talking with her..but..at that point I was back at the house...with people that did not really like me..the real me...and that guy was coming out more and more so things were getting much more tense..and I spent more time sitting in my garage, drinking and listening to music...so yes folks why we each had our “perfect lives”....turns out we both put on really good fronts of what is “supposed to be”...

Mr. strong uncaring/feeling me who wasn't going to ask her to go for a ride was doing just that less than 24 hours later..and she said yes without skipping a beat...of course there might have been some quips about giving in so fast but I would expect no less!....

Between going out to lunch and talking..to going parking and kissing we found out very quickly that when we are together time literally disappears and what felt like a half hour was really four!..and the laughter..so much laughing and smiling my face hurt lol

That week she made a comment that really hit me “I have never seen you as a Monster”...That is what I have viewed myself, or been told I was as for such a long time until I just shut down caring....and hearing her say that there was a part in the back of my mind that believed her and one little spark in an otherwise blackened soul that started smoldering again....and no it still hasn't fully been accepted by me, and not sure I can ever see me the way she does...but it really hit me hard at the time....(and no she will likewise never see in herself all of the magick, strength, intelligence and breathtaking beauty I see when I look at her...and that is OK for both of us)....

That Monday Continued....

Well now..there we were, both respectively talen back by that kiss (would have been so much easier if it had been one of those “eh” kisses and we moved on).... of course we are both...a little sutbor n and were trying to not act like it was a lightning strike....

Those that know me will tell you that I may have a propensity to talk..alot. So when she pointed out the obvious (we both have spouces, land lives)..I couldnt hold my tough and asked the only question(s) I cared about at that moment..”what do you want, what do you feel)... the reply was so her “I think this has potential and want to see where it might go” ....

I told her that I would not ask her to go for a ride again but she could...let me tell you, it wasnt 24 hours later I was asking if she wanted to go for a ride...so much for will power right (did not take me long to really understand that there is literally nothing I wouldnt do for just a minute being near her)....

We headed back to work after a little more talking..and a couple more kisses...and though at that time neither of us would have admitted it to each other (we since have)...we were both thinking “oh shit this is something”....and boy we had no idea just how much of a somthing it really was.....

Following Monday..late August

What does one do when it hits them like a ton of bricks that this...this is unlike anything they had ever experienced before, something they stopped believing or hoping for a long time ago?

I tend to believe they either pull back, reevaluate, come up with a plan on what to do next... or they walk right into the fire......

Let me flashback a little here if you will allow me to dip a toe in the past. Growing up I have (and proudly) been the black sheep in almost any group I had been associated with, family, friends you name it. I have always been too intense...or too cold, or "not living in reality"....but even in my most walled up, guarded, not feeling (or really caring) days have I ever picked the path most taken...at least not for long as it is just not me....

So Monday comes and I am so nervous (she will say that I don't show any of it...and that may be) and excited at the same time. I had rehearsed in my head all the things I wanted to say or questions I wanted to ask and dear Goddess I wanted to kiss her so bad...just had to know. The easy thing in my mind at the time was if the kiss was "eh" then that makes it easy...these feelings are just kinda BS and no harm no foul....

When she got to work I was normally outside having a smoke (in hindsight I think I actually somewhere started timing that just to have a few minutes of chit chat with her). I greeted her in what now is an almost daily occurrence with "Morning Sunshine"...and she smiled...damn that smile just still makes me weak in the knees. We chatted for a few about the weekend and work and what-not...then off to work.

Edging in on lunch and I got enough courage (this really could have just not happened I was so damn nervous)... "Hey want to go for a ride"? There was a little cross between excitement and scared shitless in her eyes...but only for the briefest moments.. and she said yes....

We went up the road behind an empty factory in the parking lot. I remember it had been raining most of the morning (at least a drizzle)...and it stopped by the time we pulled in.

So here we are...we get out. I will be a little hazy here as my head was absolutely spinning by this time. I know I tried to say something about the feeling...then I kissed her.....

While I may have had a notion that if it was not a "good kiss"...if what I thought was there really was not then it could be very easy.....oh man...it was like an immediate bolt of lightning hitting me, never had I thought a single kiss could feel like that...and yeah I knew this was going to not be easy but so worth it at that very second (I would later come to know that likewise she felt her knees buckle a little and yeah...)

The Friday

So for those that are still reading...

Three years later (actually very close to exactly)...we are still working together and while I am not right now going to tie in the myriad of instances over those three years (we will sprinkle those little gems here and there) that in hindsight we had to just be blind...or just the timing was still not right...

So this Friday we went to lunch, just her and I, at a place we had been before and liked we spent a very long time just chatting...about literally everything and nothing all at the same time...things from work, favorite songs, you name it... yeah we ran the gambit and I cant tell you how much we laughed...

There was for sure innuendo, least enough we both picked up on it...

That entire weekend we emailed back and forth...lots of just chatting and laughing, and there was some real stark realizations for me happening that entire weekend..kind of like waking from a dream....

If Tomorrow Never Comes

And if you thought the last eye roll was big folks (Whiskey helps).....

You all can tell, well I am a bit snarky..yeah she is as well (we can debate later about who is more so lol). Ha in fact no one would have ever considered us the positive couple...or people or whatever... but here we are..full of snark and laughter and a whole lot of love..and that matters...being happy..matters..

But she always should know if anything happens..how much she means to me..she is amazing beyond belief..the most intelligent, deep, sexy, sensual, complex person I have ever known and if anything ever were to happen...she should be happy..and no... no one (even me)..will ever be good enough..but dont hold back..she deserves that...and to see her smile..well folks, if there is a heaven..thats it...

So if Tomorrow Never Comes..love her as she is...she is amazing. Make her smile as much as possible cause you wont see anything close again. and occasionally as a favor to me..let her know that to one Hillbilly she did hang the moon..please just dont let her be lonely long..she deserves more

and yes sweetie as you are reading this and going WTF.....yes too much Whiskey and yes I do believe this.... you will always think you didn't deserve "this"..same as me...

This is our story and as such, you should know how I really feel and that you are my priority in life...dont want you to ever question what you really mean.....

(take note folks....this is how you get "That" look...)

First Things First

So I will go ahead and start here..those that want to judge or whatever can get off the boat early.

Three years is the short amount of time since we first met. I was interviewing her for a position at work (ahhhh there some of you just jumped off the side, hope you brought your water wings)...now the rest of you still reading.

I have been working in the corporate world for over 15 years and interviewed hundreds of people over the course of that time and this is the fastest interview (well that an offer was made) I have eveer conducted. 

The entire thing took minutes and I asked if she wanted to tale a tour...oh I suppose I should mention she had already interviewed with two other departments for two different positions before this so the fact she even showed up in itself is amazing (and yes she has said she was seriously thinking of not accepting the interview).

As soon as she left..I spoke to HR and said I wanted her on the team. While at that time we had our own lives with spouses and children and there was nothing more than this is a very special person that I saw such a fire in (and yes folks when she reads that she will be rolling her eyes).

Now in hindsight I can say that there was some pull that I cant explain other than this person is someone you want to be near in some way...but you know what they say about hindsight.....

First Time For Everything

Where do I begin something like this? I suppose the beginning is the appropriate place...but where exactly is the beginning, not really sure I can pin point that any longer.

So lets start with a simple word "Happy", while it is nothing that I ever really believed I could attain... or maybe a more correct statement, I had put up the facade for so long, and one I believe I was good at looking back I see just how wrong I was.

Maybe there are those out there that will believe what is written here as it has happened to them as well, and to those people all I can say is hopefully it did well before it happened to us.

I think a larger group will try to find all of the "reasons" this is just random events or coincidence, good luck (trust me we both have done that same thing a lot), to you my wish is someday you get to feel "This"......