Following Monday..late August

What does one do when it hits them like a ton of bricks that this...this is unlike anything they had ever experienced before, something they stopped believing or hoping for a long time ago?

I tend to believe they either pull back, reevaluate, come up with a plan on what to do next... or they walk right into the fire......

Let me flashback a little here if you will allow me to dip a toe in the past. Growing up I have (and proudly) been the black sheep in almost any group I had been associated with, family, friends you name it. I have always been too intense...or too cold, or "not living in reality"....but even in my most walled up, guarded, not feeling (or really caring) days have I ever picked the path most taken...at least not for long as it is just not me....

So Monday comes and I am so nervous (she will say that I don't show any of it...and that may be) and excited at the same time. I had rehearsed in my head all the things I wanted to say or questions I wanted to ask and dear Goddess I wanted to kiss her so bad...just had to know. The easy thing in my mind at the time was if the kiss was "eh" then that makes it easy...these feelings are just kinda BS and no harm no foul....

When she got to work I was normally outside having a smoke (in hindsight I think I actually somewhere started timing that just to have a few minutes of chit chat with her). I greeted her in what now is an almost daily occurrence with "Morning Sunshine"...and she smiled...damn that smile just still makes me weak in the knees. We chatted for a few about the weekend and work and what-not...then off to work.

Edging in on lunch and I got enough courage (this really could have just not happened I was so damn nervous)... "Hey want to go for a ride"? There was a little cross between excitement and scared shitless in her eyes...but only for the briefest moments.. and she said yes....

We went up the road behind an empty factory in the parking lot. I remember it had been raining most of the morning (at least a drizzle)...and it stopped by the time we pulled in.

So here we are...we get out. I will be a little hazy here as my head was absolutely spinning by this time. I know I tried to say something about the feeling...then I kissed her.....

While I may have had a notion that if it was not a "good kiss"...if what I thought was there really was not then it could be very easy.....oh man...it was like an immediate bolt of lightning hitting me, never had I thought a single kiss could feel like that...and yeah I knew this was going to not be easy but so worth it at that very second (I would later come to know that likewise she felt her knees buckle a little and yeah...)