That Weekend...

So if a Tonado, and Dancing in the rain were not enough for one week...well

So we had the weekend together and decided to have a staycation...Hotel, Dinner, Drinks just being together.. (and yes folks we were both pretty terrified about what that ment as we had never..well...)

That Friday we left work and headed to the hotel....when we got there they told us the road was flooded so we needed to go to a sister property across the road and they would take care of us.

We went and stood in line...a few other couples were there and just pretty whiney amd rude to the folks trying to help us all. When it was our turn we went up smiled and just were us. These ladies did not cause the flooding so no need to be short....turns out they comped the entire weekend!.... Guess that whole being noce pays off (take note all you habitual asshats...)

We got checked in, dropped our things and headed out to grab dinner and some drinks...what you all though something else??!!??!!...

So we found a brew house type place and sat at the bar... and one drink led to two led to..well yeah. We ended up chattingwith another couple and it started off fine but the more we all drank the guy became more and more of a..well not someone I did not want to really be around... so lets fast forward through this..his wife apparently couldnt stand him either, talked to her in the restroom and yeah sprt of hit home a bit

We got out of there...picked up some beer for the room and headed back....

Here is all the details you get....we went to sleep very very late........

Wicked Wednesday continued

So how does one top having a tornadic cell right above your head.... well here is how..and again the timing of things is just a bit too coincidental for all of this to be random happenings....

So after the storm passed and she said goodbye to her son we went in for another couple of drinks and talking about what the heck happened.

Time once again was being pushed by us and I had to get her to the train station as she took that down from the town she lives in so she did not have to drive 40 minutes in the dark after having a few drinks.... well a little oblong pedal to the floor and we made it with a few minutes to spare. We were standing there, and yes holding each other and some kisses and talking about how we hated this part (we really just like being near and around each other as much as possible)...

We saw the train coming in the distance and got that last goodnight kiss in...... then as it approached her face goes a little blank and she just said...we are on the wrong side of the tracks.... yup sure enough we were and at this point there was no running in front of a moving train....so she missed it.

I saw a little glimmer of panic in her face (only a little)...and simply said well come on my love I will drive you back (she had shot this down earlier in the night cause that would make for about a hour and 45 minute(ish) drive for me where I was staying at the time).... she protested...but thankfully only slightly...of course I was already walking toward the car with my hand on the small of her back and just saying its a no brainer...and it gives me more time to be with you and hold your hand.....

So off we went...and it was not long at all before the sky opened up and it was raining like no tomorrow... she was directing me where to go and pointing out the places along the way that had standing water so I could get over or slow way down..... now we had music playing, I had gotten her into Stone Sour a bit (Corey Taylor is amazing lyrically) so just had them on....when a live cover of "Wicked Game" from them came on....it took a second as we were talking then she said hang on can we start that over....so of course we did...and turned it up....

She made a comment about dancing to this as it is an amazing song (she has killer taste in music).... and as we were making a left hand turn I swung the car right into the parking lot of a BP and I remember her saying are we doing this..... oh yes we are!

I got out and headed one way and her another..pouring rain after laughing about our wrong turns we met on her side of the car and...time...stood...still

I am being very literal here for me. I remember the water droplets hanging in mid air...her hair drenched, the look in her eyes, and the heat...the overwhelming heat between us......I know we kissed then things began moving again...and it was COLD folks...

I have never experienced anything like that and while I have no doubt we will dance in the rain again...I really think that was a once in a lifetime type moment... and one that profoundly changed both of our outlooks....really opened things to just how deep and complete all of this is for each of us individually and together....

That drive back after dropping her off was the coldest longest drive I have ever taken..... and was in absolute awe the entire time...thankfully I was able to talk to her almost the whole way and it was very evident that she felt the same as I about that dance......

Seems timing, just the timing of things is right...when it is right....

Wicked Wednesday

So there came a week where we had the opportunity to spend Wednesday evening together (drinks, some food and fun) and boy...what an evening that turned into.. (get your minds out of the gutters folks....that is another story, from another day, and  for another time)

So we ended up at a beer place a little ways from work. Had some drinks, some "ok" Tatter Tots (yes the drinks made it tolerable lol) and just cutting up and chatting.

We both new there was pretty nasty weather expected and the TV was showing some really ugly colors moving closer...so of course, step outside for a smoke before it all hits lol.

So we are outside and chatting about a very close friend of mine that had past away at a pretty young age (early 20's) and how he had a ummm unique sense of humor to him and all. She made some comment...and honestly I don't remember the exact comment but was a little slice of snarky wit....and immediately (like blink of an eye fast).....the loudest clap of thunder you could imagine came out of the blue...we both froze and just looked at each other. The air was electrified to the point the hair on my arms was standing up.

We went back in and had another drink and the topic of her son in college came up (don't ask me to follow the lines of our thinking or conversations it just works for us ok...) and she made the comment she would not mind us meeting and she thought her kids would like me... I had to open my mouth...(side note while I continually state I will learn one day to keep it shut....I know I wont)... and just blurted out well prove it....... so she did lol...Face time it was right there.

Now in a bar(ish) or restaurant atmosphere, well it is not the best for anything like that so we stepped outside again. I got the intro and well kinda they were chatting and we all were chatting...and I noticed the black mass coming from the west and turned to look and it was... well ominous is way too light of a word to describe it. She then took notice... and showed her son over the phone...by now the tornado sirens are going off in the distance...and soon right by us...

Now folks I know what "should" be done, and would not tell you to follow what we did (but I would strongly urge you to consider it)....... We stayed right out there...this huge black things right overhead, then it started glowing this very odd blue-green throughout it and you could see the funnel reaching down like some ancient demonic finger charred by the fires of hell..... it was literally directly over us and at this point the wind was completely still.....

I know it had to only last for minutes, and it never did touch down but it felt like we were there for an hour watching this thing...then it simply moved on, the wind picked back up.....

Maybe the lesson should be is don't taunt the other side...lol....or that amazing things happen when you take some changes and risk in life. That my friends is something I will never forget as long as I live (and hey one hell of a first meeting with someones kid lol)........


and if you think that's why the title of this posting is what it is...you'd be wrong....but that reason will be in the next post that I write up because this night went from something amazing to literally life changing.....

Monarchs, Monarchs everywhere...

So while it should be obvious....for those of you reading still a little slow on the uptake (I warned you earlier...there will be snark).... we began hanging out literally every chance we got (and yes there were some lunches that went very long....and yes folks we are working on that :) )

One place we go is a nearby Nature preserve, it is very nice and well we can chat...and yes kiss and just hang out. I believe it was the first (though it might have been the second)...we started seeing a Monarch...first it was on a flower over here this day..then another over there the next... then literally anywhere we were together we would spot one, somewhere in our vicinity.

Sure, sure...time of year, yadda yadda, blah blah.... and your right if this was the only thing then sure I could by it......IF, in the last couple of week as the weather is turning much colder we are seeing less....but when we have well they literally almost land on her hand, seriously that close.

I know that the Monarch symbolizes many things across a vast span of cultures and religions but almost all of them have to do with transformation, the need for change. They also commonly symbolize the spirit world...either a guardian angel or a spiritual being making contact or just watching over.

So yes I will give you the logical argument you are working up in your mind right now... but, and here is the things for me. I used to believe in something more than all of us...or somethings (yes I am very odd and think things really are connected, and us humans just cant quite put our fingers on its exact nature...and maybe we are not supposed to). I believed in the innate power in a human soul to do things, call it Magick, or Miracles or whatever...and over the years as I shoved myself into a neat little suburbanite that all got tucked away...its very nice to actually see, feel and believe again...and yes it is part of what she brings out in me, is the ability to just be me......

So take all of the butterflies as you will...just nature and the right time, or something much more...that is all up to you, but I guarantee if you are reading this the next time you see one, you will pause even for a moment.....

Hunters Moon

So to take a quick break from the past and delve directly into the here and now. ....

The Hunters Moon is here and bringing with it all of the elements of change, decay, and rebirth that it is known for.

I am sitting here pondering all the the change..and yet the lack thereof that has happened in the last couple of months.

On one hand we have found something that I am not sure many can honestly claim they have..a completeness, wholeness and new life like nothing I can accurately articulate..but at the same time we are much the same as we have been for over three years...not sure how that can be but it is for certain.

On the other hand while we have this, and we know it will continue to grow, as we will together..and yes there will be the day in the near future where we can live together and just be us each day..that time is not yet here..

She said the other night that “you know we are not patent”...lol and yeah she is right..course a literal half a life time wanting to find her I am thinking “geez haven't we waited long enough”...but I know that in the grand scheme of things weeks or a few months is nothing compared to how long we have waited so far...or how long we have in the future.

For now we have every second together we can find and each appreciates every moment. When we are not physically together we talk..anyway we can and we are with each other always in ways ha you may not believe (trust me I am living it and its hard to believe sometimes)

This time of year brings much change and I am thankful that I have really begun to find myself again..she has given me life, and the strength to be me...I love is, and her and living each day with and for her...

Time flys..

I can unequivocally say that evening was so hard for me as I was so in my own head trying to figure out WTH was going on and just wanting to be talking with her..but..at that point I was back at the house...with people that did not really like me..the real me...and that guy was coming out more and more so things were getting much more tense..and I spent more time sitting in my garage, drinking and listening to music...so yes folks why we each had our “perfect lives”....turns out we both put on really good fronts of what is “supposed to be”...

Mr. strong uncaring/feeling me who wasn't going to ask her to go for a ride was doing just that less than 24 hours later..and she said yes without skipping a beat...of course there might have been some quips about giving in so fast but I would expect no less!....

Between going out to lunch and talking..to going parking and kissing we found out very quickly that when we are together time literally disappears and what felt like a half hour was really four!..and the laughter..so much laughing and smiling my face hurt lol

That week she made a comment that really hit me “I have never seen you as a Monster”...That is what I have viewed myself, or been told I was as for such a long time until I just shut down caring....and hearing her say that there was a part in the back of my mind that believed her and one little spark in an otherwise blackened soul that started smoldering again....and no it still hasn't fully been accepted by me, and not sure I can ever see me the way she does...but it really hit me hard at the time....(and no she will likewise never see in herself all of the magick, strength, intelligence and breathtaking beauty I see when I look at her...and that is OK for both of us)....

That Monday Continued....

Well now..there we were, both respectively talen back by that kiss (would have been so much easier if it had been one of those “eh” kisses and we moved on).... of course we are both...a little sutbor n and were trying to not act like it was a lightning strike....

Those that know me will tell you that I may have a propensity to talk..alot. So when she pointed out the obvious (we both have spouces, land lives)..I couldnt hold my tough and asked the only question(s) I cared about at that moment..”what do you want, what do you feel)... the reply was so her “I think this has potential and want to see where it might go” ....

I told her that I would not ask her to go for a ride again but she could...let me tell you, it wasnt 24 hours later I was asking if she wanted to go for a ride...so much for will power right (did not take me long to really understand that there is literally nothing I wouldnt do for just a minute being near her)....

We headed back to work after a little more talking..and a couple more kisses...and though at that time neither of us would have admitted it to each other (we since have)...we were both thinking “oh shit this is something”....and boy we had no idea just how much of a somthing it really was.....

Following Monday..late August

What does one do when it hits them like a ton of bricks that this...this is unlike anything they had ever experienced before, something they stopped believing or hoping for a long time ago?

I tend to believe they either pull back, reevaluate, come up with a plan on what to do next... or they walk right into the fire......

Let me flashback a little here if you will allow me to dip a toe in the past. Growing up I have (and proudly) been the black sheep in almost any group I had been associated with, family, friends you name it. I have always been too intense...or too cold, or "not living in reality"....but even in my most walled up, guarded, not feeling (or really caring) days have I ever picked the path most taken...at least not for long as it is just not me....

So Monday comes and I am so nervous (she will say that I don't show any of it...and that may be) and excited at the same time. I had rehearsed in my head all the things I wanted to say or questions I wanted to ask and dear Goddess I wanted to kiss her so bad...just had to know. The easy thing in my mind at the time was if the kiss was "eh" then that makes it easy...these feelings are just kinda BS and no harm no foul....

When she got to work I was normally outside having a smoke (in hindsight I think I actually somewhere started timing that just to have a few minutes of chit chat with her). I greeted her in what now is an almost daily occurrence with "Morning Sunshine"...and she smiled...damn that smile just still makes me weak in the knees. We chatted for a few about the weekend and work and what-not...then off to work.

Edging in on lunch and I got enough courage (this really could have just not happened I was so damn nervous)... "Hey want to go for a ride"? There was a little cross between excitement and scared shitless in her eyes...but only for the briefest moments.. and she said yes....

We went up the road behind an empty factory in the parking lot. I remember it had been raining most of the morning (at least a drizzle)...and it stopped by the time we pulled in.

So here we are...we get out. I will be a little hazy here as my head was absolutely spinning by this time. I know I tried to say something about the feeling...then I kissed her.....

While I may have had a notion that if it was not a "good kiss"...if what I thought was there really was not then it could be very easy.....oh man...it was like an immediate bolt of lightning hitting me, never had I thought a single kiss could feel like that...and yeah I knew this was going to not be easy but so worth it at that very second (I would later come to know that likewise she felt her knees buckle a little and yeah...)