Too inept to ever believe, a mule for others is all I will be.
To bear the burden when something needs done but if needing comfort, everyone’s gone.
Sunday, January 31, 2021
Phantom
I am the phantom haunting the recesses of your mind. Caressing the filaments of emotion hidden away. Whispering undeniable temptations through sleepless nighttime. Teasing the pleasures of pain, causing sanity to fray. Hide and seek through your nightmares, brimstone kisses will be mine. Dance with the devil, oh what games we could play. Think of the lushest torment, through the ages we could find. Give into the darkness; once in my hell, eternally you will stay.
FITN129
No one to shed a tear when I am gone.
Never good enough to have anyone.
Turn again to dust, and drift away.
The forgotten one in a pauper’s grave.
Holding
Left holding an empty heart devoid of hope.
Maybe there is something left to learn.
Invisible hands of time clutching tighter around my bruised throat.
Too tired and stupid to begin to discern.
Pause to reread the pathetic chapters I have wrote.
Life lived unworthy, this moment is what I have earned.
Friday, January 29, 2021
Puppeteer
Puppeteer, masterfully, pulling the strings.
Convincing this time it will be real,
That it’s ok to believe, to hope, to feel.
Discarded like each promise before, painful deceitful sting.
Alone left to cry, about how stupid I have been.
Whispering, to myself, this is the last time I will ever be here again.
In The Background
Shadows move at the edges of my sight. They dance in the background of thoughts like malevolent fireflies. Always lurking to inflict their particular brand of torment, dangling the smallest glimmer of hope before pulling it away. Embers smoldering of the flame that used to be. Alone with my shadows, and the remnants of faded memories.
In The Background
Shadows move at the edges of my sight. They dance in the background of thoughts like malevolent fireflies. Always lurking to inflict their particular brand of torment, dangling the smallest glimmer of hope before pulling it away. Embers smoldering of the flame that used to be. Alone with my shadows, and the remnants of faded memories.
Creeping In
Hope somehow creeping in, nesting inside the brain. Thinking oneself good enough, even though deep down the doubt lingers. Wanting, for once to be more than ever been, just once to not be the same.
Mask
The smile that we wear,
The personification we outwardly share.
Hides the pain, the sorrow, the bloodied cross we bear.
The way
The way you looked tonight, the sparkle shimmering in your eyes. The sound of laughter, letting all the questions and worry melt without having to try.
There is no place I’d ever choose to be.
Together in a moment shared, between you and me.
Imperfect
Imperfect perfection, is this all some horrid lesson.
Found it, then torn away; though I gave my all, everyday.
Days darker than I ever knew, sky’s now a sorrowful hue.
Never to have the will to find, as this is what it feels like when a soul dies.
Tuesday, January 26, 2021
The Chase
We chase each other round and round, through the corporeal dream of life.
Dancing through rainbows devoid of color, bright warmth raining down.
I almost caught you sitting on the beach but was blinded by your inverted frown.
Spirited away before I regained my composure, once again just a little too late.
Maybe this is the game we will play, some quirky puzzle laid out by cosmic fate.
Almost again, stopping for directions to the north star, each an unbeknownst foot away.
Laughter and pain blending into one as we try to find the other, each and every day.
All this we continue to do, hearts saying in unison “The best part of life, is you”.
Ebb
The ebb and flow of time crashes into life’s shore without reason or rhyme. Try not to be pulled down by the undertow, just holding onto the truths I know. Will you brave the tempest to pull me from the brink or will you turn you back so you don’t see my last gasp, as I finally sink?
Ebb
The ebb and flow of time crashes into life’s shore without reason or rhyme. Try not to be pulled down by the undertow, just holding onto the truths I know. Will you brave the tempest to pull me from the brink or will you turn you back so you don’t see my last gasp, as I finally sink?
FITN127
Open my mouth to finally say everything I have been holding onto. All the words, all the emotions freeze in my chest as I get lost in your gaze again. How can I adequately articulate what infinity feels like; because the way you look at me, grants me a glimpse at eternity. For all my attempts and as weak as the words are...I can only whisper “I love you”.
Sunday, January 24, 2021
Veil
I see it clearly now, the thinning of the veil.
Coaxing me persistently toward absolution.
Tranquil manipulations of the past, allowing myself to believed they cared.
Twisted question that will never find resolution.
Wanting the peace of eternities embrace, a chance to for one not be scared.
Temptation like gravity but giving up, taking the easy road, has never been my solution.
Knees Hit The Ground
Thinking of the dance shared,
With the rain pouring down.
Eyes overflow with tears,
Knees hit the ground.
Call out to god for the answers I’m trying to find.
To be the one worthy, to be by you for all time.
I Wonder
I wonder if you think of me wherever you’re at?
Do memories of moments still get you through?
Would you, if you could, come back?
Can you still feel me, the way I still feel you?
Saturday, January 23, 2021
Hate what You’ve Become
Sometimes the only thing left to do is go numb.
When you realize you hate where you ended up and person you’ve become.
Falter
You faltered but are not a failure.
You cracked but are not broken.
You got knocked down but didn’t give up.
You were deceived but are not spiteful.
You keep moving forward into a new tomorrow;
Fighting through the pain, heartache and sorrow.
Friday, January 22, 2021
FITN126
Your love caresses my soul, even while we’re apart.
Breaking through like the dawn in the moments between each beat of my heart.
What Is
What is right and what is wrong,
When you don’t fit in, you’re where you don’t belong.
Excuses made to prevent empowering change,
Leave you shaken, weak and feeling strange.
Hoping for something each minute, hour;
That will give you the strength to unleash your power.
For something special is awaiting now.
To the demon of old, you will no longer bow.
Thursday, January 21, 2021
FITN124
Peering into a future with no definition, to ponder the confusion of where you’re heading.
Mind races through the myriad of unanswered questions; give up, give in or fight and become whole through painful ascension.
Another sleepless night as the fight rages within; stop making stale excuses, take the chances needed to feel happiness again.
Grasp
Why wait through endless tomorrows, to start.
When it’s within your grasp, what you want with all your heart.
FITN123
Time moves faster than one expects. Shut eyes at night and wake up to the sun a decade later, wondering where did it all go. Plans made, written in the sand have washed away, pulled back to the depths with the changing tides. Control over ones own thoughts become suspect.
Maybe that is just the way it is. Never getting very far, circling around the same constructs time and time again. Holding onto memories that fade and blur into emptiness. Left with the stinging feel of loves last kiss.
The inevitability of change cannot be hindered. We each can make the time here what we want or succumb to the paralysis of indecision and self doubt. Walk the road less traveled and fight for happiness that’s within our grasp. Take a breath, then another step and make it a life not just survived but to be remembered.
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Lament of the Forgotten
Dont let me drift farther away,
If what you want is for me to stay.
Say the words etched in your heart,
You know how I have felt from the start.
Let the tears flow from your eyes,
To yourself please don’t deny.
You’re worth more than you ever will know,
Please forever hold tight and don’t let me go.
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
FITN122
Stuck in the wasteland of my own mind.
Taunted and teased by that which I crave.
My tormented soul, buried in shallow grave.
Purge the ambiguity, truth to save,
Demons within will NOT win this time.
Done
Ran the gambit over the course of time.
Venomous words spit in face but to the world it’s fine.
Hide away, be someone else, just walk the line.
Feelings of isolation, darkness eclipsing the sun.
Clarity in the moment, totality of being numb.
Blessing in the curse, finality draws near, the next step, simply done.
Hell Hath
The say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Makes no difference it was her you claimed to yearned.
Between your lips came all one shouldn’t say,
To ever make her want to stay.
Pride and ego always eclipsed her worth to you.
No more time left for you to again twist the truth.
Sunday, January 17, 2021
See
I see you. Not the fake smile you put on for the world. The you that’s underneath, beaten and broken, wanting to be more. Hear the negative self depreciating thoughts constantly churning in your mind. Always believing in you, taking the time. Shoulder when you need it, here always for you.
FITN120
Desolation of inspiration, personification of sorrow.
Wasted opportunities exacerbate pain inside.
Time waits for no one, fleeting and borrowed.
Take control, make a choice, don’t let the wonder that is you die.
FITN119
Darkest desires dancing across entwined tongues.
Bonding on a level unbeknownst to each before now.
Quivering flesh as two souls inexplicably become one.
Finality of eternity, to find one other in the chaos of existence somehow.
Saturday, January 16, 2021
Hollow pt2
Walking along the broken road of life.
Convergence of everything I am not.
Never intended to give up this fight,
But in eternities undertow I became caught.
Follow me into the hollow.
Yesterdays faded and no promise for tomorrow
Paying respects to who I used to be.
Nothing left in which to believe.
Sun rises on another analogous day.
Putting one foot forward, heading home.
Heart aching from memories of another time and place.
Determination emboldened by the best thing I have ever known.
FITN118
Life spent chained by choices of long ago.
Tried more than once to take the same chance.
Words spoken, actions still do not prove.
Deep in your heart you know you should go.
Twisting thoughts from vile manipulations each day.
Buried by the cataclysmic realization that you were wrong.
Doubt giving way to all that can be gained.
Dark angel whispers you are worth it, now you feel the same.
FITN117
Awaken from too long a slumber, the warrior within.
Pushed, taunted, softly manipulated for a lifetime.
Angelic monster casting aspersions while appearing kind.
Finding strength in the future to be, in a life to find.
Powerful essence surging, strong enough to have your new journey begin.
Epiphany
The day comes when the shattering is not of your heart or mind.
The illusion is broken, you are not crazy, there are reasons, and you are in control.
They foisted upon you their fear, adolescent ideology and misguided views, twisting your thoughts and breaking down your soul.
Fog of deceit lifted, steps now to take, this is YOUR time!
FITN116
Lay your head to dream and sleep.
Over your heart, a watch I will keep.
Protect your soul from fear and pain.
Unrepentant love and know you feel the same.
Thursday, January 14, 2021
She is
She is black velvet,
wrapped around very emotion I have ever felt.
With piercing eyes and dark magic,
casts her spell.
Wednesday, January 13, 2021
LL
Love lost, hope hell bound.
Heart ripped from chest, under heel ground.
Ocean of tears yet will not drown.
Rising above it all, never to back down.
Tuesday, January 12, 2021
Lessons
Lesson hard and time intensive to really learn.
Standing in the fire doesn’t always burn, it can bring us all that we actually deserve.
Sparkle
Something profound in me, indeed, did die.
The moment I saw the sparkle fade from your eyes.
Road
The road is hard and the journey so long.
Carrying your love with me until I get back where I belong.
Every
Every night spent laying alone.
Every path traveled that didn’t take me home.
Every lashing of the whip.
Every bit of poison sipped.
Every mile of hell I walked through,
All led me here, now, to you.
Another Year
Another year has come and gone.
Shed a tear for the bridges burned.
Looking forward with hope unabated.
Letting go of fear, self doubt and hate.
Work to bring out the best in me.
Continue my journey until I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Sunday, January 10, 2021
Singularity
Singular moment, unadulterated with the passage of time.
Purest of all perfections, the conjoining of heart, spirit and mind.
Dissipation of doubt, at last, clearly to see.
Where exactly in this life, you are meant to be.
Saturday, January 9, 2021
Dance in the tain
Don’t try to plan dancing in the rain.
Unintended perfection, connected souls and magic are what it takes.
Release inhibitions, feel time stop as the moment washes it away.
Friday, January 8, 2021
Crucify
Once more shadows move within.
Complacent crucifixion allowed to begin.
Thoughts nailed in, heart bleeds.
Hopelessly praying to no longer be.
Visitation from demons of the past.
Diabolical delight in stones they cast.
Shattering what was left of light.
Enveloping darkness, blackest night.
Trepidation of impending doom.
Locked away in the minds twisted tomb.
All that was given, again rebuffed.
Manifested acceptance, not good enough.
Sometimes
More is said in moments when no words are spoken. Emotions speak, revealing all that is not broken.
Reflection
The reflection , looking in their eyes, shows me limitless possibilities. Choices to make, chances to take, potential more than I could ever believe.