Holidays

Much of the world right now is in chaos. The Covid-19 pandemic has changed the landscape for everyone. I know it has been much time since my last posting so since we are all locked inside(ish) right now maybe getting things caught up here is a good thing to do.

Since I have gotten pretty off track I am going to fast forward through the Holidays.....

We both knew the Holidays were not going to be easy. She said she couldn't do something like leave during that time and I get it....its not just two people but kids and extended family that would feel an impact like that.....

This would be the first time in months that we went longer than three days without seeing or talking to one another....sand no I was not looking forward to it. I could have went back to my hometown on the east coast but I was in a very black mood and was not going to try to play it off with my family or have them deal with seeing me in less than a celebratory spirit.

Thanksgiving day I volunteered at a place that serves Thanksgiving dinner to the community that needs it. I got there at 5am, helped set up, cook, serve food, cleanup...pretty much whatever was needed. I dont think I made it back to my apartment until well after 8 that evening..completely wiped out, and thankful the day was over

We did have the opportunity to spend a single night in a hotel near the middle of December and it was the best rest I have gotten for months. I cannot explain how nice it is waking up knowing she is near me....seems almost normal.

The week of Christmas was a bit of a black blur for me. I stayed here, and drank way too much...basically whatever I needed to do to make it through those days. Christmas day was especially difficult since it was the first year I spent completely alone on Christmas. Years past I had my kids at least a portion of the day so I took a very early morning drive and drive past all of the places I have lived in the surrounding area(S) since I moved here years ago. Driving has always been very cathartic for me, just the open road, and music and time to think and reflect.

I had a mutual friend come over for Christmas dinner. She had recently lost her husband (he had been very sick for awhile). I felt good being able to actually do something for someone, and I do love to cook for more than just myself for a change.....

All in all it was tougher than I ever thought possible to go through times that most people spend with those they love, and to be alone. Yes I have choices. I could simply move on with life but really...once you find someone and feel the way we do...there is now simple "move on". 

While you may be reading this thinking..."what the hell".... Think about the people in your life you would do anything for, literally walk through fire to simply see them smile. Well that is how we both feel about each other, and while the times can be tough......they are more than worth it......