FITN53

 Thankless days and sleepless nights. Where wayward travelers wander and believers pray with all their might. All hope was lost long ago. Twisting, turning down a dead-end road. No one to turn to when the night gets long. Solace only in a demons song. Faces look back beyond the grave, at the shell of a someone not worthy to save. Nobody’s choice you will ever be. Locked inside your own hell, no door, no key. Soon fading from grey to black. Never more a chance to find a way back.

FITN52

I am so damaged,

I actually believe I deserve the way you treat me.

FITN50

Written in the stars seems so fleeting compared to you and I. Stars burn out, while our story continues, no matter how many lifetimes go by.

FITN49

You will never have all the answers

And sometimes closure will never come.

Moving forward and finding yourself again will have to be enough, when it’s all said and done.

FITN47

When the moon shines bright and candles flicker with an alluring glow. Your find once again your all alone. No one who will spend the time holding you tight and enjoy the moments together throughout the night. Once again you kill the flame and cry into the dark an unknown name. Maybe one day they will come into your life, to cherish you and put up the fight. Till then there is still the tinniest spark. The only thing alive in your blackened heart.

Veil

When the moon is full and jack-o-lanterns glow bright. 

The veil so thin you can see through with plain sight.

Spirits of the damned walk beside us again.

Reminding with a whisper, the fate from all our sins.

Whosoever take not this heed.

With wicked tongue and devilish deed.

Will never comprehend the when or why.

They inevitably meet the reapers scythe.

NTS18

You can survive or live.

Do you want to say you survived life or lived it?

NTS17

If you dont wake up in the morning, will those left behind know what they meant to you?

FITN44

The ticking of your lifes clock.

Sound deafening inside your mind.

A thousand thoughts racing you cannot block.

Wanting nothing more than to rest this time.

Pulling you closer to where you want to be.

Staring more deeply into the abyss.

Cross the threshold, lock the door and throw away the key.

Leave a past you know, in your heart, will not be missed.

FITN45

Whats harder for you to accept?

They finally left your toxic world for good or 

you never had the power to break them?

FITN46

You deserve someone who,

Misses you and will let you know,

Is excited  to see you and that they show,

Loves you for all you are,

Wants to laugh with you and kiss your scars,

Fights for you everyday,

By your side always to stay.

FITN41

I am a fucked up amalgamation of emotions. Nothing black or white, with my mind I continue to fight. Demons and angels dance in my dreams. No rest for the broken, or so it would seem. Get up each day ready to face the world. Before its over sobing in a ball I am curled. Always one misstep away from a padded room. Downside up, too late and too soon. Wont give up, come what may. Blended all the colors to a silvery grey.

Paupers Grave

A King is who you think you are.

Every word as brilliant as the stars.

Giving no thought to anyone else.

Their hopes, dreams or how they have felt.

Pay them off with crocodile tears, and words when needed.

Long as your power is absolute and your wants heeded.

Always push them to the precipice, now shoved over the edge.

Today you’re the one filled with dread.

Left alone with your ego, no soul to save.

Eternity, trapped in your paupers grave.

FITN42

Final remnants of smoke hang in the air.

When tomorrow comes, still no one will care.

Last drink of whiskey, burn in the throat.

Last of the pills, with it did go.

Understanding the mistakes that were made.

Shutting eyes, tears fall, asleep forever will stay.

NTS15

You know damn well where you belong, and how to get there.

FITN41

I can go through the sorrow of my mistakes.

Regretting a road not taken, in that I would break.

FITN40

Those you love, tell them.

Things you want to do, experience them.

Places you want to go, see them.

Dreams you have, make them real.

Time passes too quickly, live, before......

Wall

 Some build walls to keep others out.

Some build them to keep safe whatever pieces of their heart remain.

Some scream with primal rage.

Some just let all emotions die, 

no hope or distain.

Rip

You came in and over time took control. You made your little comments, not all at once. Slowly I beleived that I am the problem and began thinking maybe your right. I am a strong person, why now am I questioning that which I think I know.

Break away again, like every time. You promise me the world, yourself to change. I hope so much that maybe, just maybe you will try. Short time passes, hope creeps in, then in an instant, once again the fault is mine.

Broken down a little more each day, never worthy, never good enough. You have played the part well, no one would believe me. You need me, you want me I am the one with the issues. I try and I try, shrink who I am to fit everything you say.

I know in the places I have hidden. This is not right, this is not love. There is so much more for me out there, away from your vile encroachment on my sanity. I have an ember, just a spark of the real me left, that you will never snuff, and I know. There is someone who can illuminate my darkness, accept me for all I am and in me beleive in.

FITN39

Through my pain, mistakes and heartache. Let someone out there see that, they to, can survive

BB

Beautifully Broken,

Forever Hoping.

Celebrate

I want to celebrate you.

Not just the day you were born but with every breath I take.

Your pain has shaped things more than you knew.

Thoughts you have, feelings deep inside, choices you make.

You may never see the beauty you really are.

How you have made the world a better place just from existing.

The immaculate blending of light and dark.

Giving up, you somehow keep resisting.

The soul of a poet with the heart of a warrior.

Taking chances, even when its the last thing you think you can do.

Chipping away, piece by piece, every barrier.

I am here, and in everything, celebrate all of you.

Answers

The answers don’t matter until the time is right.

Take a breath, enjoy each moment, it will happen when it should.

Like that

I saw her crying but did not know why.

I rushed to her, to give comfort, be at her side.

Calling her name as I crossed the street.

She turned but a distant stare, I did meet.

Confused till I saw the horrors untold.

My body laying there, pale and cold.

Stark terror in my soul started to creep.

All the promises I would not be able to keep.

I could not tell her I loved her one last time

Or hold her when worries troubled her mind.

So much I wish I could say,

All the things, I had pushed off for another day.

Life was really never too hard to decern.

Live each moment to the fullest, but took dying for that lesson to be learned.

Hidden

You know that place you’ve kept hidden?

Where love is the only absolute.

Where you wanted to give up but didn’t

And your heart blossoms without pain so acute.

A place where your valued, above all else.

Your thoughts are welcomed, your feelings believed.

A place as real as all the hurt you have felt.

An oft forgotten waking dream, and when you make it there, my love, its where I will be.

Hurt

 Late at night has always been the worst.

Mind wont shut off and all he can do is cry alone, just to release the hurt.

G

You were there through it all.

Saw my rise and my fall.

Worked your life with little praise.

Emptiness, you take to the grave.

 You saw in me, only the best.

With you in my life, I have been blessed.

I have not been there, much like everyone else.

In my absence you felt the effects.

I am sorry for not being what you deserved.

The lessons you taught, I finally learned.

Be free from your pain and your strife.

I will see you aagin, in the next life.

Devils

Our Devils come in many forms.

Some so brutal, leaving blood and bone in their wake.

Striking our bodies in a blacked out rage.

Induced fear of the lashing, no sound we can make.

Locking us in a more physical cage.

Others will scream and yell with all their might.

Calling out every preverse delusion in their twisted mind.

Wanting us to loose control, so they pick each fight.

Getting ever louder, causing numbing terror each time.

The ones, maybe, the most nefarious by far.

Quietly, over time, comments making us question everything we know.

Subduing the person we always believe  we are.

They rip apart our heart, mind and soul.

Our Devils come, and most dont have horns.

J

I will give everything I am and ever will be, including my last breath,  just to know you’re happy.

Whatever the cost

Ok

Its ok if you think you have it all figured out, then self doubt creeps in again.

Its ok if you take two steps forward some days and a step back on others.

Reclaiming yourself is a long hard road, but you are strong and can do this!

Rain

Listening to the rain, pouring down.

Enchanting melody, insatiable sound.

Washing away all specters of doubt.

Rendering clarity in what unconditional is about.

Just as your essence has nothing to prove.

Solidifies my one true beacon, my home, is you.

Back

Always on, illuminating the deepest black.

So no matter where your journey leads, you can find your way back.

Us

A lifetime spent looking, waiting, not knowing your name.

Perpetual loneliness walking blind, yet feeling you always calling to me.

Across the divide of time and space, your essence came.

Eons have past yet the bond, unmistakably seen.

When it is so far beyond love, friendship,eternity, unconditionally,lust.

No matter what we face, together.

The only thing that is an absolute , this is us.

Together

The plans made,washed away.

Tides getting higher every day.

Treading water, trying to stay afloat.

Drifting ever farther from the coast.

A cyclone that we never saw.

Leaving us battered, staring in awe.

To each other, we clung, right from the start.

No storm in life can tear us apart.

Passed by

Spend a life in melancholy because we are told thats the “right” thing to do. Question if we even deserve to be happy, this is fine. This is normal, no dont be silly, everyone is like this. Preform the right thing, long as it is right on queue. 

Somewhere over a lifetime we forgot what our soul yerned for in the beginning. We began philosophizing by the funeral pyre, upon which laid the remaining dreams we had held onto for so long. Moving through each day as if a marionette, dancing on the ashes of hope. Each time trying to make sense, find an answer, then the room starts spinning.
Why cant we let go of that we know is killing us, pushing us further from where we want to be? Maybe its just the fear of the unknown, or that we might not be right, so we shut our eyes and let life pass us by.

FITN38

When you both can share all of your hopes, dreams and fears and not utter a word. That is somthing worth holding onto with everything you are.

Eye of the beholder

Looking at you, it never fails to remind me.

The way you make me feel without a word being said.

The simple answer to all I am facing.

Seen

I see you, not the forced smile you show the world.

I see you, broken, bleeding, lying on the floor.

I see you, the amazing blend of light and dark.

I see you, your hopes and dreams you have yet to start.

I hear you, when you cry alone late at night.

I hear you, when your mind tells you to give up the fight.

I hear you, when you scream at the mirror “never again”

I hear you, when you whisper a battle cry into the wind.

I feel you, when you look at me and feel home.

All that I am is with you always, you are not alone.

FITN37

Walked through the wasteland of my mind.

Things were blury, nothing defined.

No solace did I deserve or could find.

Hope and despair, blended into one.

Darkness of my heart eclipsed the sun.

Wanted my soul to slip into oblivion.

Giving in would have been the easy thing to do.

Blood from my veins, on the floor in a pool.

World wouldn’t miss one less hopeful fool.

Somewhere inside I still felt the spark.

Your love fed the flame and a fire it did start.

Through everything, you are my light in the dark.

NTS14

To move forward you have to stop looking back. Take the chance, live.

FITN37

Finally it became clear.

Why was it not beleived before.

The gravity of all the things said were real.

Walk through hell, be there always and so much more.

How could I have found this after all I have done.

Why would they stand by me when I am not worth their light.

Here they are, glorious infinity, truly the one.

Never waivering, their faith in me gives the strength to fight.

Walk

Walking away is easier, its whats best for all.

Push them away, put back up my walls.

This I must do because I love them so.

This is killing me but I cant let it show.

Damaged beyond any and all hope.

Undeserving of them, dont know how to cope.

Why do they continue to stay.

By my side, and in my heart day after day.

Unwavering love unconditionally they give.

Making me smile, reminding me what it is to live.

This is what love is suposed to be, heaven or hell, come what may.

I am terrified beyond words, but I know I cant just walk away.

Projection vs Reality

Dont wait for me I am not worth your time.

You deserve so much more than I can ever give.

I am broken and don’t deserve your love and light.

They were right all along, I am not right in my mind.

I can’t do it, I dont have the streghth of will.

Please dont let go, I want forever with you as mine.

I need for it to be with you, my life to live.

I am trying each day, its for you that I fight.

I cant loose this, it is something I never thought I would find.

You have opened me up to all I want to feel.

Snuff

A lifetime of trying to find myself, to be a good man.

Crushed in a moment by hopes cruel hand.

Opened myself for just the slightest chance.

Now just a husk and with devils I do dance.

Not even an an ember is left this time.

Hearts get broken, will just use my mind.

Forever and always I now do rebuff.

The rest of life will have to be just good enough.

FITN36

A few too many pills and could drift away.

Garage with the car running and what would they say.

Alone in my closet around my neck the rope so tight.

Cut too deep and give up the fight.

Saying these thoughts dont exist would be a lie

But life is too full of amazing moments to not try

Roads will be hard and the tears blur your sight.

But its in the darkest of moments you can most clearly see the light.

New me pt.1

Like a surgeon with his blade,

remove from my mind the unkept promises you made.

Carve whats left of your memory from my twisted brain.

Then scrub the last peice of feeling from my heart like  washing away a stain.

No this surely didn’t happen over night,

weight accumulated each time I wasn't worth the fight.

Hopeful eyes dulling with each passing day.

Till at last left black, nothing left to save.

Hue

During twilights dusky hue.

She sat in loneliness , its all she knew.

Wishing she was someplace else

Choking on the feelings she felt

 She had been so close to happy but once again did miss.

Now left with the bittersweet memory of loves last kiss.

FITN34

You still come to me in my mind. A waking dream caught somewhere between reality and never again. Memories flood in, drowning, washing away the few moments of clarity. 

Screaming out silently to any god who will listen for guidance from the divine. Whispers floating on the winds of the storm raging inside. Deafening, garbled phrases that I am not able to understand.

The specter of what could have been, my company as I dine. Rain pounding on the roof, taking me back to a singular moment. Intense heat leaving icy chills in its wake.

Yellow convertible, music on the breeze, left turn to the coast following the sign. Everything I am, stored in the back, never going fast enough to catch up. Alone on a crowded beach, who is the ghost now.

Eternity played out in a split second of time.

?

 One day they will come along and for once you will not be too intense for someone.

They will feed the flames of your soul and together will burn as bright as the sun.

Coil

Now letting go of this mortal coil. No regrets, you were a part of my world.

FITN33

Broken and battered time and again,

But I stand back up, its the penance for my sins.

The only way to be worthy of a light such as you,

Purged by the fires, of the hell I went through

Break

The specter staring back from the mirror.Weak and pathetic from years of submission. You will never be enough for them that is now clear. Standing on the precipice of decision.

Reignite the flames of passion within, let it burn away your self-loathing and doubt. Bury indecision in the corpse of who you have been, then follow the trail of your broken dreams to find the way out.

Emerge from the nightmare and stand again, a primal force of nature for them to see. Refusing to believe, they try to again stain you with their sin, but with a voice that make demons tremble you say "YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME".

FITN30

When the summit seems to far to climb,

take a breath and clear your mind.

Push away the doubt carried inside,

from hard work you will never hide.

This is just another challenge, you will succeed.

With arms outstretched you will attain your dreams.

FITN32

Twisted and tattered, her soul torn, stained, from a life marginalized. Hope became a foreign concept she could no longer fathom. Existence, nothing more than random dates on a calendar with each forced smile carved on her cheeks for its in pain she was baptized.

He wanders alone along his journey, knowing that is best for everyone. The thing he became, such a far cry from the visions of long ago. Numb to all going on around as life passes by, safe in the cold comfort alone he could do no damage. Brightest thoughts that flutter in his broken mind, that one day he would shut his eyes and never again have to see the sun.

People passing on the streets, never knowing the demons each face. Strangers sitting at the same dinner table, going through motions they no longer know or care why. Generals barking orders at the troops, turning them against each other for no reason and yet all clap and cheer them on. Planet burning around us as we watch our phones for the latest posted update.

Anti-Life

When you have had to shrink the light that you are.

After years of being told your not good enough, you beleive it yourself.

Edged slowly into submission and your mind now is just dark.

They are really only staying because the real you is on a shelf.

They molded you year over year into believing the lie.

That they are the the only one who could love you.

Even though to keep you hooked is the only time they try.

Promises they make, you’ve seen each time proved untrue.

Dont ever question the life to you they gave.

Picture perfect from the outside, to everyone you know.

You can escape dealing with them if only you behave.

No partner, no spark, no hope, this life is nothing but your self accepted grave.

UnFaded

As day fades to black and hope becomes lost.

When It’s hard to take the next step, even see whats right.

Your light gives me strength and I hold onto at all cost.

You’re my best friend, soul mate and the reason I fight.

Numb

 After all the time being in a cage.

Alone with my demon's day after day.

I have moved past hope, no longer even able to feel rage.

Open the door or keep it locked, doesn't really matter anyway.

Heart blackened by all that has been done.

Soul wont move anymore, like everything else it is  numb.

Iced stone

Hard as a weathered stone.

Cold as winters frozen earth.

A lifetime of wandering alone.

Shutdown from always being shown I had no worth.

All it took was a glimpse of your light.

One moment feeling the vibration of a kindred soul.

The darkness began to retreat from the night.

My mind begins to remember what its like to be whole.

Ragdoll

 I have been stitched together by 
threads plucked from my failures and a needle made from my mistakes.

 

I see who I have been in the
 shattered mirror of regret strewn
about on the floor of my soul.

 

I strive, each day, to move
forward, learn, grow, and be
worthy of a gift such as you.

Firedancer

Like a fire dancer without a white hot flame.

Choices you have made and will soley carry the blame.

Looking back at your life you finally see the cost.

Paralyzed by fear at all the chances lost.

Never too late, to at last stand and fight.

Take that chance to be happy and your spirit will ignite.

Mosaic

All the broken peices, will fit back together and make your life’s mosaic when done.

So the colors of your spirit, for once, can be illuminated by the sun.

FITN31

I’ve laid all my sins bare, 

and shown you my soul, heart and mind.

 Because life would be unfulfilled without you by my side.

NTS12

You will never know the future will hold, but you can make choices from what you have learned and unlock treasures untold.

NTS11

Dont be the reason the light in someones eyes disappears.

FITN29

Its not the falling one should fear

But the sudden stop at the bottom when the end is near.

FITN27

The untended flower, over time, will be choked by weeds and die of thirst.

So is the heart left hollow and alone, it will either turn to stone or leave to save whats left first.

FITN28

 The bruise left on your cheek will heal with time.
The remote shattered against the wall will be swept up so the narrative will align.
You will once again make excuses and tuck them into bed after removing the bottle from their hand.
Your hurt and pain, back to the darkest corner of your soul you remand.
Look into the mirror and don't recognize the specter looking back.
Tear running down the face now turning blue and black.
You know you must make a change somewhere in what's left of who you were.
Then the questions and self doubt creep in and the possibilities begin to blur.
Take a pill to help you sleep.
Lay down and welcome the darkness so deep.

NTS8

Love does not make you feel less about yourself or question your sanity. That was not love.

Saturday

The last time she slept through the night was in his arms held tight.

Though it seems a lifetime ago, the memory is imprinted on her soul.

FITN27

One of the hardest things to accept is 

they don't really want you,

they just don't want to lose you.

Saturday

The last time she slept through the night was in his arms held tight.

Though it seems a lifetime ago, the memory is imprinted on her soul.

FITN26

Seeing the firelight reflect in your eyes.

I think of all the possible futures life could hold.

All of the things that could be our demise,

But your the only one with whom I want to grow old.

FITN25

I have loved you before I knew your name, and in the next life it will be the same.

NST7

Would you ever be happier when they are not around?..”No”.

Maybe

Maybe they were right all along.

Maybe you’re the one that's crazy and doesn't belong.

Maybe you’re silly and your words don't make sense.

Maybe you will fail in the end.

Maybe it's just the way they were raised.

Maybe the words were not meant to hurt, just the way they were phrased.

Maybe you’re spirit they never meant to tether.

Maybe they are just trying to keep the family together.

But maybe you’re stronger than you know.

Maybe with unconditional love your heart can grow.

Maybe you deserve so much more.

Maybe this time you will open the door.

Maybe there is someone for you in the world.

Maybe they will see past your hurt and see your worth.

Maybe they will accept all of you.

Maybe they will stand by your side no matter what you go through.

Entwine

Ecstasy is not when our bodies separation does cease.

Even when your breathe trembles as your about to release.

The peaks of pleasure are reached as well in our heart and mind.

When also our souls do completely entwine

FITN23

For her, I took my mask off and showed the monster underneath.

She stepped closer and placing a hand on my cheek,

kissed me with such love that no words could repeat.

FITN24

Its taken a lifetime of wrong choices to bring you to the right place.

Never forget that wrong is different than bad.

You needed that so when you experience real happiness, you can appreciate the taste.

Here

I am here because I am in Love with you.

I am here because you’re my best friend to.

I am not here because I cant live without you.

I am not here to tell you what to do.

I am here because I choose you, and I hope you can see.

I am here because I accept all of you unconditionally.

NTS6

Do you still choose them?....”Yes”.

FITN22

The storm of questions and doubt in my mind stop the instant I hear from you.

FITN21

Tonight it happened.

The tightrope finally snapped and

as I took my mask off a tear fell to the floor.

I whispered to the dark “I cant do this anymore”.

Bleed

Bleeding words from my vein

And pour them out onto the page.

From a pit of sorrow they were born,

Yet light the dark like a winters morn.

Freeing hope from an insidious spell,

And show there is a way out of hell.

For when you find your other half,

You can embrace the future and let go of the past.

NTS4

To the right one, you will be enough.

Fix-It

 Keep your head down and push ahead.

Find the solution no matter the cost.

Make sure to appreciate at least you’re not dead.

Take care of this issue and that.

Never mind it’s not enough.

List is never ending, but you’re a convenient knat.

Do what needs to be done,

And be there when called.

Purpose for now is to make their life fun.

End of the day when things are working fine.

When their life is running the way they want.

To the shadows once again you can resign.

NTS5

Their actions or inaction carry all the answers you ever need.

Expendible

 Starting out each day with fresh new hope. 

Believing in the words you say.

I am treading dangerously close to the edge of the slope.

Heading forward with simple blind faith.

That this time the choice I might be.

That I could stop being simply a hollow wraith.

Just a useful thing when the time is right.

Taken out from time to time.

Then put on a shelf during the long cold night.

Deep down time with me I know you savor.

Expendable to you I have never been.

My faith in you shall not waiver.

FITN20

If she could only see herself through my eyes, she would never doubt how amazing she really is.

FITN9

Everyone wants that “once in a lifetime” love, just need to be willing to take the chances needed to make that happen.

Atlas

“How much weight can you carry and for how long” he was asked.

Without thought he answered 

“As much as she needs for as long as she needs it”.

NTS6

Letting go is the hardest part of falling.

FITN19

Pull over and dance in the rain like fools.

Because you looked at me the way only you can do.

FITN18

Sorry, but you built the wall around my heart one block at a time with your actions and now you cant get in.

FITN17

Push those that would stand beside you away enough and eventually you will stand alone.

FITN16

The full moon glows with all her splendor.

Unconditional the suns love for her, the sky he surrenders.

So am I to you forever more.

Hopefully waiting to see whats in store.

FITN15

No matter your demons,

there is someone out there who will look past your scars and make you a priority in their life.

FITN14

When she smiles at me with that fire in her eyes.

The monsters in my head fall silent, and I know of what true love does comprise.

Match

Be careful with the gasoline my friend.

No matter how many bridges your burn.

Between Heaven and Hell could be your end.

The next bridge may be the one your on.

Ponder

 All these things my mind does ponder.

Alone down the path I wander.

So much life left yet to live

If I can find the strength to give.

Season of Change

The season of change has come again.

Blowing in on the Autumn wind.

Shedding all that which no longer works

and moving past all the loneliness and hurt.

Those that pushed you away, leave behind

and be at peace in your heart and mind.

Walk into a new day with your head held high,

secure knowing you have tried.

Becoming more than you've ever been,

because the season of change has come again.

FITN13

 When you look back at a lifetime of being wrong.

Nothing ever quite up to par.

Everything leaving just another tiny scar.

Shown over and over you just don't really belong.

Never having the right words to say.

Not knowing what to do to matter instead.

No one will put up with the things in your head,

your life is an  all encompassing ocean of grey.

All of their actions muffle their word.

Yet the echoes of of the past make you question if they are right.

Each time you hope it wont be the normal despite,

Your bending to their will is what they have always preferred.

You know this is not right each time you break down and cry.

Love is not this, no matter how long you have stayed complacent.

Atrophy of emotions is simply Hell adjacent.

You know you have a choice to make if you want to really live before you die.

FITN10

You showed me I am the monster I thought I was

FITN11

Dying for you is easy,

I choose to live for you.

FITN12

You have been, are and always will be home

Most Days

To understand what it is I think.

You will have to push yourself to the brink.

Go to where sanity melts.

Take two more steps and release everything else.

Gaze deeper into the abyss.

Embrace your nightmares with a coppery kiss.

Withstand the tornado of questions in your mind.

limbs crushed and twisted from the ties that bind.

Forget all you are and what you want.

Go through the motions like a robotic savant.

Not really living but not quite dead.

Hoping anxiety does not bring its paralyzing dread.

Praying each day will be different than the last.

Just one moment to give a small chance.

Pray Something happens to fill you with rage.

Maybe that will give the strength to break free from your cage.

Deep in your soul you know that's a lie.

What's needed is conscious action and its then you break down and cry.